Thursday, November 10, 2011

A Simple Plea: Do Not Lay Hands Upon Our Children

Every hour of every day, children in our keep are being harmed.  Throughout the history of the world,  adults have used their size and their physical and psychological power as weapons against our most precious assets--our children.

Hurting them is not accidental, it's the goal, but all it takes to muddy the waters is the argument about degree.  Is spanking abuse?  Is yelling?  Is fondling?  If there are no cuts and bruises how bad is it, really?

In the past few weeks the stories have been coming at us, fast and furious.

On November 5, Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky was finally charged with serial sex abuse of minors after years of sexual contact with children as young as nine years old. (complete Grand Jury report is here.)  During those years several adults were suspicious of his activities but didn't come forward.

One boy's mother, after finding out Sandusky had shared a shower with her son, told him he must never do it again.  She tries to make him promise not to shower with young boys at all.  She fails.  He tells her, "I understand I was wrong.  I wish I could get forgiveness.  I know I won't get it from you. I wish I were dead."  That was in 1998.  

Sandusky was caught in the act at least twice during those years and hauled on the carpet.  In 2002 an eyewitness went to Paterno's office and reported an incident involving actual intercourse between Sandusky and  a ten-year-old boy.  The eyewitness was never questioned, but was told that Sandusky's locker room keys had been taken away from him and the incident had been reported.  Nothing else happened.

Now Joe Paterno, a beloved long-time coach, has been fired after evidence surfaced proving he knew of at least one instance of the abuse and did nothing about it. On hearing the news of his firing, crowds of students gathered in protest, not against Paterno but against the board's decision to let him go.  (It's been said there was a small contingent protesting at the same time against the sexual abuse, but it apparently wasn't worthy of a news story because it's not out there anywhere.)

A Texas family judge, William Adams, is caught on videotape beating his disabled daughter with a thick belt, striking her hard at least 20 times.  The girl's mother is seen hitting her once with another belt, telling her to "take it like a grown woman".  The incident was secretly taped by the girl in 2004, when she was 16 years old.  The girl recently put the videotape on YouTube (after her father dared her to do it, she says), but no charges will be issued against the judge because the tape is more than five years old, beyond the Statute of Limitations.

The story was detailed last week in the U.K-based Mail Online. The story itself is horrific enough, but buried inside was this bit of nasty business:
As a result of the furor, the video was being examined by the District Attorney and previous controversial judgements Judge Adams made in cases involving children have come to light.
In a court judgement last October, Judge Adams said that a child's statements 'amounted to no evidence' despite the fact the child's words had been confirmed by third party witnesses and recorded on video several times. The young person had also been interviewed by a child psychologist who believed the child.
Judge Adams also agreed with a lawyer who claimed all children are 'fantasizers' and their testimony should just be ignored.

 Michael Pearl, a preacher at the Cave Creek church in Tennessee, wrote a book called "To Train up a Child", advocating corporal punishment modeled on “the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules”.  This from a November 6 NYT article:
More than 670,000 copies of the Pearls’ self-published book are in circulation, and it is especially popular among Christian home-schoolers, who praise it in their magazines and on their Web sites. The Pearls provide instructions on using a switch from as early as six months to discourage misbehavior and describe how to make use of implements for hitting on the arms, legs or back, including a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line that, Mr. Pearl notes, “can be rolled up and carried in your pocket.” 

So far, three child deaths have been attributed to the use of the methods in that book, yet Preacher Pearl and his wife, Debi, have appeared on shows like Anderson Cooper 360 to defend their methods and their book.  As a compelling visual, "Pastor Pearl" brings a length of the plumbing line to demonstrate that it might sting but it won't do damage to muscle or bone.

In the NYT account, there is this paragraph, describing the condition of a child who had been murdered by her parents:
Late one night in May this year, the adopted girl, Hana, was found face down, naked and emaciated in the backyard; her death was caused by hypothermia and malnutrition, officials determined. According to the sheriff’s report, the parents had deprived her of food for days at a time and had made her sleep in a cold barn or a closet and shower outside with a hose. And they often whipped her, leaving marks on her legs. The mother had praised the Pearls’ book and given a copy to a friend, the sheriff’s report said. Hana had been beaten the day of her death, the report said, with the 15-inch plastic tube recommended by Mr. Pearl.
 This controversy brought Michael Pearl into the spotlight, not as an accomplice or the devil incarnate, but as a minor actor, the requisite media shock blast in a compelling, agonizing tragedy.  He and his wife were wined and dined, all expenses paid, to appear on television as a defender of corporal punishment in the wake of a terrible, preventable tragedy.  Never mind that the parents, now murderers of an innocent child, saw something in Pearl's book that gave them permission to abuse their children.  The mere sight of Pearl handling a 15-inch length of plumbing tube while defending its use is the kind of hold-your-nose moment we've all come to recognize as an odious but reliable tool to increase nightly ratings.

A 7th Grade Special Education student was raped twice in the course of two years by a fellow student.  School officials didn't believe her story and after the second accusation, she was expelled and made to apologize to the boy who raped her.
The girl was first raped at Republic Middle School in the spring of 2009, according to the lawsuit. After the mother notified the school, the girl described the rape and "multiple sexual assaults" she'd experienced at school that year to Duncan, Mithelavage and Ragain. They then told the mother that they thought that her daughter made it all up.
During subsequent meetings described in the lawsuit as "intimidating interrogations," the lawsuit says the officials told the girl that they thought she was lying about the rape. The girl's mother was later told that her daughter recanted her story during one of those meetings.
The family's lawyers note in the lawsuit that the girl's school file contains a psychological report describing her as adverse to conflict, passive and "would forego her own needs and wishes to satisfy the request of others around so that she can be accepted."
Following instructions from the school, the girl wrote an apology to the boy she accused of raping her and had to personally give it to him, according to the lawsuit. She was then expelled for the remainder of the 2008-09 school year. The school also told "juvenile authorities" that she filed a false report.

 In the moment, as we bring ourselves to watch or read the sad, horrific details in these stories and so many others, we tell ourselves we can't stand it.  Enough.  We rail, we wail, we pontificate.  Something must be done!  But it goes on. It ever goes on.  Because once a fuss is made, once we as a nation howl at the moon and do the requisite teeth-gnashing, the moment passes and we move on nearly residue-free until it happens again. 

We could stop it if we forced the courts and thus the perpetrators to recognize that child abuse in any form is a major crime.  When the victims are helpless children, their abuse has to be considered a crime worthy of punishment so severe the offenders assaulting them will be stopped forever.  The sentencing guidelines need to be so stringent there won't be a judge in the land who will ever again dismiss abuse as mere necessary punishment or childhood imagination.

But it won't happen until we can get past the widespread approval of spanking as a useful punishment.  There is no cause, ever, to lay hands on a child and cause pain in order to get the point across.  Radical, I know, but think about it:  There are millions of children who grew up to become adults without once being spanked or hit or injured by a parent.  I was one of them, and I know for a fact I'm not alone.  Each child of mine can make the same claim.

Every child has worth.  Every child needs to feel loved, to feel secure, to feel as if their world is a good place to grow up in.  And only those who have already become adults can make that happen.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bravo!

Ramona Grigg said...

This piece was cross-posted on dagblog, where a blogger known as "The Mule" commented today, telling us about a petition she had started, asking Amazon to stop selling Michael Pearl's book.

It's here: http://mamamule.blogspot.com/

While I was there, I found a great guest post appropriate to this subject. It's a poignant, sad look at how we're programmed to do what our communities sometimes expect of us even when we know in our hearts that hurting our children is not right. I want to thank "The Mule" for leading me to her wonderful "Mommy" site and this great post:

http://mamamule.blogspot.com/2011/10/guest-post-spanking-regret-and.html

Ramona Grigg said...

I missed Frank Schaeffer's stunning article entitled Beating Babies in the Name of Jesus? The Shady World of Right-Wing "Discipline" Guides published in Truthout on Tuesday. It's here:

http://www.truth-out.org/beating-babies-name-jesus-shady-world-right-wing-discipline-guides/1320935968

Shining a light on this issue should be enough to energize people to work at stopping abuse of children in any shape or form. Together we can make it happen.

Unknown said...

It was with great anger and sadness that I read the stories that have appeared in newspapers, on cable news and on the internet these past few days: I feel that I have lived too long to endure this brutality, greed, self=interest and lack of mercy. First the stories of children killed by foster parents in Paradise,California, an idyllic mountain community thirteen miles from the town where we raised our children, the television interviews with the monsters who published the guide to criminal activity that passes a "Christian training of children", reading that another child has died at the hands of her parents using the tenets of this same book, and then the video of the Judge beating his teen-aged daughter with a wide leather belt, and the hatred in his voice as he does it. Yesterday, as I relished the election victories of the progressive voters and of women in Mississippi, the ugly story of a 15 year serial child rapist was called "breaking news"....should have been "news of breaking". How many broken children will suffer before this insane zealotry ends.Students rioted at the University where these little boys were raped, not in outrage at hearing of the rapes, but because the rapist was fired; fired!! Broken, hungry, homeless, sodimized children. How many will grow up malnourished, cold and without adequate clothing because of the criminal actions of vile men and women who put their 'wants' before others 'needs'....This is not the country I grew up in, these are not Americans I know. I am disturbed that my husband and I brought so many children into the world, who then had children, and their children will have children: and what will their world be like?

Anonymous said...

I find these stories so disgusting and saddening that I just want to cry.We have the same kind of stories in Denmark ,But in Denmark people go to jail for child molesting.

Ramona Grigg said...

Kitti, the abuses children have to endure is horrifying but if we all continue to shine light on them and insist on legal action, we may be able to turn this around. It doesn't help that so many people calling themselves Christians buy into what amounts to slow torture of their own children.

Paddling is still allowed in 19 states, with at least two states trying to reinstate the practice. http://www.corpun.com/counuss.htm

There are many non-profit "Protect the Children" organizations and I commend them. The problem is they have no clout in Washington or in the state capitals. It's the lawmakers we need to be educating. They have let this happen by refusing to make laws that will actually stick.

Ramona Grigg said...

Thanks so much for reporting in from Denmark, Anon. It seems we could learn much from Scandinavia on how to run a country of, by and for the people.

It seems obvious that people should be going to jail for molesting children, but so far our leaders don't see it as a priority. We're trying to change that but it isn't easy when these horrifying stories about our children come and go without any real effort to put an effective stop the abuse.

More needs to be done. These abused children, if they have a chance to grow up, may let their own experiences cloud their judgment and go on to become the abusers. Then it becomes a never-ending cycle and that's just intolerable.