It's CPAC time! I almost missed it! (My invitation no doubt was lost in the mail.) Since 2009, shortly after I first started writing this blog, I've been fascinated by the dizzy doings over at CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference). I admit that before I took to writing a political blog, I didn't know much about what turns out to be a venerable old conference designed to highlight the Conservative (and now Tea Party) leanings of the Republican Party. It's the coming-out party for potential presidential candidates and has been on the scene for over 40 years. (Honestly? Since 1973? And I thought I was paying attention.)
The main speakers this year are about the same as the main speakers from several years past: Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump, Sean Hannity, Carly Fiorina, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, --oh, and Jeb Bush. This year they've added Phil Robertson of "Duck Dynasty" fame, but once again it looks like a snub for Rush Limbaugh. (Heh)
There was a long list of programs, but this one gave me the giggles:Good Guys Reception, sponsored by the National Rifle Association and Freedom Alliance. By invitation only.
(There are numerous spots where you can pick up a live feed, so as not to miss anything crucial. C-Span is as good a place as any.)
So since this is a big weekend for the Republicans, I thought I would take a look back on the blogging I've done about CPAC since 2009.
2012: Thank You, Cal Thomas. Mighty Big of You. I wrote back then that Cal Thomas could probably kick himself for getting involved with that bunch. Silly me. He's on the roster again this year.
2013: CPAC 2013. Wingers Just Want to Have Fun. But not too much fun. The dress code--an entire poster full of dress code--says no-no to the nightclub look and to Walmart wear. Conference-goers are required to look like they mean business, even if there's funny business going on.
But they did allow zombie costumes at "The Walking Dead, Obama Zombies on Parade" bash. So that's cool. 2014: Hail, CPAC! Silly Season is Upon us. Can Spring be Far Behind? Wherein Ted Cruz puts on his McCarthy face and Christine (I am not a witch) O'Donnell does a book signing along with Callista Gingrich, one of Newt's wives. Good times.
So that's it, then. I'll probably be following along on Twitter and Facebook when I think of it, looking for the fun stuff. I just hope there is some fun stuff. I don't know. The Republicans have been letting me down in the fun department lately. Ever since they took over the entire federal government, except for that one place where that foreign squatter with the funny name lives.
I hate it when they do things that don't make me laugh.
To this liberal there is no more fun in the world than when CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) comes to Virtual Town. I look forward to the two-day conference every year and I'm never disappointed. Best comedy show ever!
Photo: Media Matters
This year's roster includes all the usual Biggies: Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Paul Ryan, Chris Christie (Wait. . .seriously?), Marco Rubio, Rick Perry, Jim deMint, Mike Huckabee, Wayne LaPierre, and lastly but not leastly--not in his eyes, anyway--Donald Trump. (Inside, but not on the front page: Newt Gingrich, Ralph Reed, Mark Levin, Ann Coulter, Grover Norquist, Michele Bachmann, Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and a star-studded cast of delightfully daffy dozens.)
A few of the workshop titles (Full PDF schedule here):
More Guns, Less Crime: How Law Enforcement is Beginning to Embrace a Well-Armed Civilian Population.
Healthcare After ObamaCAre: A Practical Guide for Living When No One Has Insurance and America Runs Out of Doctors
Conservative Journalism: From Benghazi to the IRS - A Layman's Guide to Covering "Phony Scandals" New Media Style. Sponsored by TownHall Regnery Publishing [Ed Note: Is that an admission that they are, in fact, "phony scandals"? Remember, you read it here first.]
There will be a book signing by former candidate Christine O'Donnell. (Remember her? She is still not a witch.) Also one by Newt's current wife, Callista. And one by Ann Coulter. (You go, girls!)
Ted Cruz is speaking right now, as I write this, and he has his McCarthy face on. He's got the voice down pat, and you gotta hand it to him--he could be teaching Demagoguery 101. He's that good. Already I'm hearing "first amendment rights" and "second amendment rights". I should just stop watching. I'll never get anything done.
So, since I have a busy day today, I'm going to pull myself away from this. If anything really exciting/hilarious happens in the next couple of days I'll put my reporting cap back on and bring it to you posthaste and pronto.
For your further entertainment, I've written about past CPACs here, here and here. I don't know--those guys just tickle my funny bone. I get an even bigger kick out of the fact that it's not my funny bone they're after, but, no matter how hard they try, that's as much as they're ever going to get from me.
Every year around this time Republicans get to let their hair down and show the world that no matter what we've heard otherwise, they do have a silly side. Doom and gloom and global warming is our problem, not theirs. Enough about the poor, the pregnant, and the pressures put on them by the peons. Get those party hats on! Tomorrow the three-day celebration of hedonism, corporatism, and puritanism known as the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) begins. This is the 40th such event and you have to hand it to them--each year they outdo themselves. I mean, holy cow! What a line-up!
But, wait. . .no Limbaugh? No Beck? No Coulter? No Eastwood? It appears that way. They're not on the list. Steven Crowder "Fox News's Brightest, Funniest Conservative Mind" will be there, and isn't afraid to call himself a comedian. There are others who will be giving him a run for his money, however: Donald Trump and Allen West will be there. So will Sarah Palin and Rick Perry. So will Newt Gingrich and Bobby Jindal. And Rand Paul and Mitt Romney. And Ted Cruz. (Dick Morris will be there,too, talking on "The Making of America: The Substance and Meaning of the Constitution", but apparently he doesn't photograph well. They left him off the front page.) For good measure, the NRA will be represented by both Wayne LaPierre and David Keene. Theprogram for these three days (March 14-16) reads like a thriller, what with war and conspiracies and scary Obama and what-not. Amazing what they can find to talk about. And--no way!--Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson are scheduled to go mano-a-mano, Crossfire-style. (And you thought nobody cared anymore.)
"Fight Club 2013: A Liberal & A Conservative Duke it Out"
The Honorable [??] Paul Begala, Political Contributor, CNN Tucker Carlson, Editor in Chief, The Daily Caller Referee: Colin Hanna, President, Let Freedom Ring
It'll cost you, that CPAC. And there's a dress code, so don't be trying to get in there in just any old thing:
Well, come on, you obviously can't wear strapless necklines during the daytime activities (We're talking to you, Paul Ryan), but Walmart wear? Leggings or pants? ("If struggling with this decision, don't pack the items in question. Neither jeans nor leggings are appropriate for the official conference.") Lots of fun after-conference stuff, too. Here's a can't miss: "The Walking Dead, Obama Zombies on Parade"bash on Friday night. (They're gonna dress up like zombies, and everything. There's a message in there someplace, but I'm not one of them so I'm not privy to it. Sorry.) I've written about previous CPAC conferences here, and here. They're addicting, I admit. I can't promise I won't be writing about it again this week, but for now I'm having enough fun just anticipating what's going to happen this year. (Don't disappoint me, Republicans--I've looked forward to this for a whole year. And you owe me, you rascally rascals.)
You know how, when you're witnessing a personal meltdown--when someone you happen to be near finally reaches the breaking point; when everything they've ever held near and dear is suddenly slipping away, and they try desperately to hang on, either with lies or tantrums or tears--how you just can't look away?
As the drama unfolds, if you're not too personally invested, the polite thing to do is just move along. There's not much you can do for them anyway, and, honestly, they don't care what you think. But you're riveted by the spectacle, and--admit it--fascinated by the sheer craziness of it.
Ever since January 20 that's how I've been feeling about the eerily escalating Right Wing meltdown. It's breathtaking to behold. The scope of it is beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Day after day, I awaken to some new evidence that they've not just lost their way, they've lost their minds.
From Limbaugh to O'Reilly to Keyes to Beck to Shelby to Santelli to Jindal to Steele to Bachmann . . .it's been one nutty thing after another, just in the last week alone. (That might be because it was CPAC week. Everybody from Joe the Plumber to 13-year-old Jonathan Krohn had a moment in the sun at the Conservative's main event. )
Here's Joe the Plumber. (It's 6 1/2 minutes of Joe, so be forewarned.) The ALG Network (Americans for Limited Government) had their crew out there full time at the conference, filming speeches, doing interviews, and just generally presenting those Conservatives in their best light. So I have to assume that sabotage wasn't really in the plans when they filmed and then edited Joe's little talk; I have to assume that this is the BEST of Joe:
Along with some of the usual suspects, ALG also interviewed Jerome Corsi, author of "Obama Nation", and all-around odd ball:
At 5:00 today Rush Limbaugh spoke to the rapt convention crowd (Sorry, no video. He's not on my agenda here) and then, afterward, was the recipient of the "Defender of the Constitution Award".
Honest. (Why am I not laughing out loud? See last paragraph below.)
I spent a few hours today wandering around the virtual halls of CPAC and I'm here to tell you--Alice in Wonderland has nothing on me. Up was down and down was up. In was out and out was in. People said one thing and meant another.
I half expected to see the Cheshire Cat grinning from a limb:
Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no...
Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I'll see him...
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad, too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here.
[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]
Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself.
On Thursday, Bob Cesca wrote a piece for the Huffington Post called "The Wingnut Revolution".
. . . accountability (a "day of reckoning" as President Obama called it) is underway in the form of the president's housing proposal, his healthcare plan and, naturally, the recovery act. At the end of the day, ninety-five percent of Americans will benefit from what amounts to the largest tax cut in American history, along with increased access to affordable healthcare and millions of new jobs.
Though, alas, the super rich will have to pay slightly more in taxes.
Yeah, that's a shame.
So they're gathering in their secret war rooms in the Orange County underground and on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, grinding the tips of their Salvatore Ferragamo Pregiato Moccasins into razor-sharp spears and fashioning their Bentley key fobs into makeshift nunchucks in preparation for a supremely ridiculous rebellion led by a cast of far-right characters more freakish than the acid trip monsters from Yo Gabba Gabba.
It's a great piece, done in usual Cesca style, but when he got to this part I was hooked:
For the last year or so, Glenn Beck has been attempting to peg Barack Obama and the Democrats as actual communists, and now he's going all out with, quite literally, a red scare segment on his show -- festooning his set with Soviet flag graphics, a "Comrade Update" logo and a Russian language crawl in the lower-third of the screen.
I have no words. (I did have the red scare clip inserted on this page but it's no longer available. Too bad. It was something to behold.)
On that very same Thursday, Paul Jenkins wrote a piece for HuffPo called, "Worst Week Ever: Republicans Unhinged".
He wrote, In just seven days, Republicans have offered up more amusement and fodder for an election campaign than even the most hopeful among us could have expected. What is especially thrilling is that it comes at little expense: Obama is competently in charge, as are, by and large, Democrats elsewhere, and change is happening at a mind-blowing pace. In the long run, yes, there should be concern that having buffoons in opposition is not healthy, but for now let's enjoy the moment.
Oh, enjoy! Yes, let's! They're a laugh-a-minute, that bunch.
Remember how some of us folks were laughing hysterically when we heard the Republicans had chosen George W. Bush as their (mwa-ha-ha!) presidential candidate?
And remember how we cackled when, after weeks of beating the bushes (Bushes) for a best choice, Dick Cheney appointed HIMSELF the vice-presidential candidate?
And remember the hoots and hollers, the LOLs, the LMAO's, when we got wind of that loony idea to attack IRAQ after 9/11 instead of al Queda-harboring Afghanistan?
And remember how we roared over the idea of those absolute fools running for a second term?
OH, I remember, all right. So I may smirk a little, and I may go so far as to showcase their more memorable loony binges, but laugh out loud? Not on your life.
I laughed at the idea of "preachers" like Pat Robertson or James Dobson or John Hagee pulling so many righteous legs all the way to the bank.
I laughed at the idea of a Rush Limbaugh or an Ann Coulter achieving even a thimbleful of fame and fortune.
I laughed at the idea of Ronald Reagan--a "B" actor if you wanted to be charitable, a dimwit if you wanted to be fair-- running for the highest office in the land. Now look where we are. He's a damned "hero" and we're screwed.
So let me just leave you with this: Tonight they anointed Rush Limbaugh as their fearless leader.
I may think that's odd, but I know better than to think it's funny.
