Political Tiddly-Winks in Iowa. The Corn Dog Won

Good God and Lordy, people, is there anything more ludicrous on the political scene than what happens in Iowa whenever the Republicans don't have a Grand Poobah candidate for President?  This year it was a big barbecue in Ames where just under 17,000 people 16 1/2 years old and over got to pay their $30 to "vote" for a candidate and then party afterward.  Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul were the "winners".  And, not surprisingly, the emperor wore no clothes.

The main function of the Iowa Straw Poll is to draw in money for the Republican Party and for the towns in Iowa that hold the straw polls.  That should be enough for those folks, but even given proof of the historical insignificance of the poll and it's non-role in the winning of presidencies, the press falls all over itself to turn it into something it's not now and never will be.  As a political forecaster, it's record is pitiful.  Rarely if ever does the Straw Poll winner win the Iowa Caucus, much less the presidency.  So let's just get over the "importance" of yesterday's vote in Ames, Iowa and have a little fun with it, okay?

Andy Borowitz:  SandP Downgrades Iowa IQ:

Calling the results of today’s Iowa straw poll “alarming,” Standard and Poor’s took the unprecedented action of downgrading Iowa’s IQ.


While the effects of such an extraordinary measure are hard to predict, experts say the IQ downgrade could result in Iowans having difficulty completing sentences or operating a television remote.
“This downgrade would be very upsetting to Republicans in Iowa,” said an S & P spokesman.  “Fortunately, there’s no way they’ll understand it.”

 At the Fairgrounds, where the Big Barbecue was going on, Ron Paul had something called the "Prosperity Playground", where you could slide down the "Sliding Dollar" slide and just be a kid again.

Ujala Sehgal writes about it and more in this piece in the Atlantic.  Man, those kids had fun!

The Ames Patch took to judging the candidates' tent sizes.  Thaddeus McCotter's may have been the smallest, at an embarrassing 30x30 feet,  but Tim Pawlenty's took the prize as the largest, at 200 sq. ft. over Michele Bachmann's 10,000 foot air-conditioned whopper.

I'm hearing rumors this morning that Pawlenty is already thinking of dropping out of the race, so I hope he had a great time there in Ames.  Something should come out of all that effort, at least. (News flash:  It's true.  Pawlenty has dropped out.  Of the entire presidential race! All because of the Iowa Straw Poll.  Am I going to have to rethink this whole thing?  Am I just not getting it??)

Okay, I started this out absolutely refusing to even consider including that truly awful, truly obscene un-Photo-Shopped photo of Michele Bachmann deliriously munching a very long corn dog, but I changed my mind.  Here it is:

(Note:  Changed my mind again.  I couldn't stand the picture any longer so I took it down.  It's here if you really want to see it.)

And here's a bonus.  Marcus Bachmann with that same corn dog.  I WILL NOT comment.  No.  I mustn't.

(Note:  Ditto the shot of her husband.  It's here.  Go for it.) 

But I will say this:  What happens in Iowa should have the decency to stay in Iowa.  Really.

FRIDAY FOLLIES: Bachmann's look, Mitt's People, and the Artistry of the All-seeing Blind.

Michele Bachmann was on Newsweek's cover this week and editor Tina Brown swears to all who will listen that Bachmann's bizarre cross-eyed skyward gaze was meant only to "capture her intensity".  About the crossed-eyes, Tina says she doesn't see it.  She honestly doesn't know what all the fuss is about.  (Cough, choke, gasp, gag.)

She was on "Morning Joe" last week defending her choice, and what an entertaining few minutes that was!



Now there are cries of foul and/or sexism and/or foul sexism.  Even Miss America got into the fray on Fox and Friends.  Did she think the cover was racist?  Well, yes she did.

But as someone who has never had the good sense to put on a photo face when a camera is pointed toward me, I might actually have some sympathy for the expressive Rep. Bachmann.  I blame it on my Italian heritage.  While I'm talking with my hands I can make some pretty awful faces, especially if I'm in a rage about the Tea Party and people like Michele Bachmann.  Or being put on hold having to listen to Jazz when I'm trying to get something done that requires telephone support.  Things like that.   (No, I'm not going to show classic examples here, though there are plenty of them out there.)

I know what it is to get caught with the goofy face.  It's embarrassing.  And I thought that's what happened with Bachmann until Tina Brown talked about the photo shoot.  The cover photo wasn't a candid, it was a studio portrait set up with a photographer who had all the time in the world to get a good one.  OMG.  Tina.  You scamp.

Mitt Romney got caught admitting that corporations are people, thus ensuring some big bucks in the campaign coffers from the corporate persons.  That would be a good thing if Republicans actually wanted him as their candidate, but they don't seem to be leaning that way.  Still, he's out there giving it all he's got, and all he's got is the best entertainment at the Iowa State Fair.

ROMNEY: Corporations are people, my friend. We could raise taxes and --
[unintelligible crosstalk]
ROMNEY: Of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people. So -- [audience laughter] where do you think it goes?
[shouts]
Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets.
Okay -- human beings, my friend.
Number one, so number one: you can raise taxes. That's not the approach that I would take.
Number two, you can make sure that the promises we make are promises that we can keep. And in my view, the areas that you have to consider are, for higher-income people ...

Well, that was kind of nutty...  I went looking for someone coming to Mitt's defense but so far all I've found is a quote from a Romney spokesman on an update to a piece on Talking Points Memo:

Update: Romney spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom took to Twitter to defend Romney's quote: "Do folks think corporations are buildings? They're people who incorporate to conduct business. They create jobs and hire more people."

Okay, that's better.  I get it now.  Meanwhile, the DCCC has already come out with a video using Streisand's "People" as background music.  It's here.

I was all over the tube looking at comments.  Someone wanted to know if corporate takeovers could now be considered kidnapping.  Someone else wanted to know if two male corporations could get married or would they have to settle for a merger.  So I added a few myself:  When does the awkward teenage phase end?   Is there a diet for obese corporations?  Can they bake a cherry pie?  Who does their nails?  Can one of them become President of the United States? Can we punch them in the face?  How do we tell their faces from their asses?

It's a zoo out there, my friends.  Nuts is the new normal.


Moments of Sublime:  On one of my quests for interesting distractions, I found a link to a blind painter.  How does one paint if one can't see?  Well, seeing is in the eye of the beholder, it seems.  These artists would be remarkable if they were simply artists who could paint. The fact that they paint while blind makes them awesome in my eyes.

John Bramblitt became blind at age 30.  He has never seen his wife or child, nor any of his subjects, yet he paints them beautifully and accurately.  He explains his technique here.

 

This is Maria Santos.  She was blinded in a car accident when she was just 22 years old and already an accomplished artist.  Watch the video about her experiences here.

 What inspirations they are.  They've developed whole new ways of seeing in order to accomplish their dreams.  There are lessons to be learned from them, but for now...just enjoy.

Cartoon of the Week

Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press